This describes so clearly how I have been feeling for several years now... but rather than getting easier or being able to work through it or "trust the process," it seems like it only gets harder over time. Like Ashley says in her second to last video, once you start to open your eyes to these issues, it feels like the world is gradually pulling back pieces of a cover laying over the big picture, and it becomes more and more overwhelming, sickening, infuriating, and daunting as you learn more and more. And you become less and less comfortable in your life... which is a good thing, I know - but like any kind of recovery work, it's some tough shit. I'm not sure if it's my ADHD or that I'm an INFJ, mixed with my knowledge as a mental health therapist - particularly related to the reverberating impacts of trauma - but I have often just become so overwhelmed and hopeless that I just feel like I've become paralyzed. This feeling lasts for varying amounts of time - sometimes just a minute, sometimes a week or even a month. But the important thing is to get back up and start again. The fight needs you.
"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief.
Do justly, now.
Love mercy, now.
Walk humbly, now.
You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it."
~ The Talmud