I have always thought of myself as a good person someone who did not believe in unfair and unjust treatment of anyone. Learning the term of not being racist versus being anti racist was the moment I realized that although I am not a racist I am not an anti-racist. I have had blinders on to this cruel world and had this thought that because I see a person of a different race as just that and nothing else that the world was the same. It was not until a month ago when the world started to make a stand that I realized although we have come far we have not come far enough. Although I feel the same about all people and believe in equality there are far too many inequalities in the world. Just noticing these issues is the first step. I can not sit silently if I want to be anti-racist I need to stand up and do work on myself and take a stand as well.
I have definitely felt this way. I feel ashamed sometimes to be white- I even feel like that's an awful thing to say, but history has shown this ugly entitlement and I hate that I am even part of it.
The toxic guilt concept is interesting- I have to catch myself before I become this way, the "steam roller" kind of person to have a conversation with. You are right, there is still so much work to be done, as a whole and within myself.
I have definitely felt this way- not guilt for being white- as that's just an accident of birth, but for not doing more anti-racism work. This concept, white privilege, is not new to me. Being an educator, there is always work around these topics, but if I reflect on my teaching I know that as a white teacher of predominately black and brown students, I wasn't an anti-racist teacher. My students knew I cared deeply for them, but that alone is not enough. And in my life now, I know I have more to do. I have relied in the past on having the "right ideas" but realize that right ideas are nothing without action.