One thing that I think holds people back from engaging in conversations about race is the desire to be perceived as perfect. If we were actually perfect, systems of oppression would not exist - but they do. Instead, we should all focus on being a little better every day. This allows us to slip up and learn from our mistakes. If we don't acknowledge our ability to grow as anti-racists, then we will not get better and will continue to be racist. (Yes, being complicit in a racist society makes you racist.)
That's a great point. Something that feels scary to me about engaging with others about race and racism is knowing that I'll probably mess up or say the wrong thing. Focusing more on making progress rather than expecting perfection from myself or anyone else is a good tool for me to just start instead of waiting until I can have these discussions perfectly.
Another thing this training brought home to me is the importance of both sharing and listening. Making personal connections by sharing my story feels very vulnerable to me. But as one of the video speakers said, we (I) need to become comfortable being uncomfortable in these situations in order to create the domino effect of change.
I have so many questions right now, more than before starting Module 1. I asked my husband who grew up in the US vs me who did not; why is it that people are going silent when I post about racism, white privilege and anti-racism on my fb timeline? I added a second question; is it White Guilt? He said, nobody wants to be accused for being a racist and maybe even do not want to discuss it publicly. I thought, fair enough. But I still do not get why people can talk so freely about everything else, just not this. I am digging to know more, and trying to get a conversation started, but it seems hard, unless you do it in person and you can only hear each other. I woke up really early this morning, with the birds. My heart was heavy. My thoughts were about oppression. As white I have not personally practiced oppression on blacks, I know that for a fact. As white, I just learned that my ethnicity group has. As white I feel enormous shame that people with my color skin have taken the opportunity to feel entitled to oppress people of a different color skin in the name of something "good" under the cover of evil. A lot of times it seems to me in the name of protecting money or property, Cinderella style. Made to work hard, but not to enjoy freedom. That is something I do not feel proud of on behalf of my race. The greed, unrighteousness and disparity. I cannot stand and watch this. I work in a high school. This will be a personal project of mine, to learn more and more and more to know how to deal.