What are your thoughts about white exceptionalism, guilt, and shame? Have you felt that way? Have you been driven by toxic white guilt?
I know I have felt exceptionalist, especially around people who are way less further along than I am, I think, "I'm one of the good ones because look at them." However, I know I carry my biases and do not act in anti-racist ways, which then leads to the guilt and shame. "Why didn't I speak up? Why do I just ignore racist posts on social media?" I honestly do not like to or want to engage with people on social media as it feels I am throwing myself into the lions den, however, I also feel guilt and shame for being so "fearful" of social media confrontation. I do truly believe it is not the best place for learning so I do prefer to engage in these conversations in person and I have felt good about the effort I have put in and also know there is always still more work to do. I know I can "steamroll" people at times, usually ones close to me because when I "get" something and they don't (be it math or racism), I get easily frustrated that they don't get it just as I do. Remembering they are not where I am is important because I know I have experienced the very same things they have, I have just done a lot of work to get past those views. I don't believe I have ever steamrolled people of color, I try to know my place and I err on the side of caution (sometimes to my own detriment of not speaking up).