I definitely think I suffer from white guilt/shame and have looked to others for guidance how to be an ally and be anti-racist. When I first started this training, I was a bit shocked that it was a white instructor teaching about racism but as I've gotten further into the exercises I do agree that it is up to white people to carry the burden of training and learning. I liked what the one woman in the video said about how she felt she was a good person because she didn't treat black people bad and had black friends. I also identified with the other woman who was lower middle class and worked her way up. I too have worked very hard to get where I am but I also understand that my white privilege helped me get there. After hearing this video I realize that I do need to do more. Like another woman in the video said, we need to interview the mayor or the school board and ask these uncomfortable questions. I also need to go out of my comfort zone more to tackle discussions that make me very uncomfortable because I'm afraid of how it might come out or be taken or possibly offend someone without meaning to.
Module 3 reflection 2
I think I am probably still on the ACTIVE part of the continuum. I am still working on educating myself but at the same time I am also actively working towards making changes in my department by advocating for students who are not being included. I want to be a stronger ally which is why I am continuing to take trainings and be involved at work. The thing I struggle with the most is with other white friends/coworkers who say that all lives matter or who don't understand racial inequality. While I know the background of why it's a problem and that it is a problem, I struggle with communicating that to others. This is where I think I still need to work more on this before I can truly become an advocate.
Module 3 reflection 3
All of the videos focused on advocating in different ways but I think the one that really got me the most was the last one. I had never really thought about how my story mattered in shaping how I felt about advocating for others. In recent months I have been very angry at people who I was friends with and thought that they were "good people" until they would come out and argue with me about all lives matter after I posted a black lives matter post in social media. I don't like confrontation but I would get so mad at their arguments that I ended up just banning them from my feeds and unfriending/unfollowing them...thinking I was making a stance against racism. My thought was to only surround myself with like minded people but I realize now this was a mistake and does not help anyone.
Module 3 reflection 4
This video definitely describes how I had been feeling last few weeks on fatigue. I still believe this work is important and I know that it's up to me to take mental health breaks when I need them but continue with anti-racism training/advocacy after I have taken those breaks instead of reverting back into my shell. In our diversity/inclusion committee meetings I often am the one listening and not speaking up because I feel like my voice doesn't matter as a white person in a diverse committee but looking back now, I realize I do need to speak up more. I do need to confront things when they make me extremely uncomfortable and that is ok and normal for it to feel that way and afterwards I need to take the time to reflect on it as well. Again, I wish this training was more widely available since I think that if others I work with did this training they too would change.
This training was an eye-opener for a lot of us. I agree with you that now is not the time to be silent. We need to speak out and educate the next generation.