I think I am actually starting to feel more comfortable engaging in conversations about race with others. I think after watching the three videos I am starting to feel more hopeful, but I also know it will be hard. As a white person, it is very easy to be a bystander and ignore the systems at work with racism. It is easier to ignore a racist joke or a comment like "oh well these people of color aren't social distancing and that's why they all have covid" but I have started standing up. I counter my parents if they say things I disagree with politically. I also try and bring up race in sessions and discuss culture and race with my clients. Usually, I let clients bring it to me, but I have discussed with clients what it is to be a second generation American and coming from a culture that is more collectivistic. I haven't really heard a ton of my colleagues say racist jokes (granted I'm in the counseling field) but I think I could try and stand up more when I see injustice or when I hear things that are offensive. My mom taught holocaust and she talked about bystanders and how a lot of the terrible things of the Shoah happened because people ignored the camps and didn't do anything when their neighbors were rounded up. I don't want to be like that and I'm proud to see a lot of Jewish organizations supporting Black Lives Matter and marching in the protests. I hope we can listen to each other's stories and be respectful. On the other hand, the cynical part of me is like "sure, let's have a dialogue with a white supremacist, that'll work". I'm sure if we just listened to the Nazi's stories and backgrounds and had a dialogue they totally wouldn't have gassed me as a Jew. Then again, maybe I'm just being too negative. I think if we come across as attacking, people become defensive, so listening, really listening like a therapist to why people may have racist beliefs or support MAGA, etc. is more effective than automatically saying the person is wrong and explaining why. I also believe people connect on an emotional and personal level, not a factual one. I think you're more likely to connect with someone on a human level trying to understand why they believe a certain way than writing them off as wrong or bigoted or whatever. Some people may be too entrenched in their beliefs to change, but others may be willing to listen if we listen to them.
I'm comfortable talking about race to people close to me, even people who may disagree. But I still don't think I have the tools and courage to speak up with people I don't know well, like a less known colleague or a neighbor. It's so hard in the moment to know what to say, and I spend too much analyzing what I should or should have said. Truthfully, I really think I lack the courage to face to the discomfort. That's where the work is.
I feel similar to you, @Phoebe Bustamante . I think taking small steps...seeing where I can stretch and get uncomfortable...is the work. Even if I don't say something and wish I had, I can practice saying that thing to myself, and the more my "mouth muscle memory" practices, then when something similar comes up, I will be more able to respond. I used to do that at work when I had to have a difficul conversation with someone on my staff, I'd practice in the car several times (driving to work), then once I got there, it was easier to say the words to the person.
As a black person, I'm the same way. I don't want to ruffle feathers, nor do I want mine ruffled. It's difficult. I do feel that an effective way to communicate is through sharing background stories, as suggested by Tom Reitz in the Tedx De Paul University video. Listening and sharing anecdotes and experiences gives us opportunities to connect and possibly find common ground on which we can use to move forward.
I believe after learning from all 3 modules that I am more comfortable talking about race than I was before this training. I have already used some of the tools and things I have learned to discuss race with friends and family. However, as discussed in Jay Smooth's video, to help myself become an ally and speak up, I will need to work towards better understanding that being a good person is not a fixed characteristic, but instead a practice of engaging with our imperfections. I may not do it "just right" the first few times but maybe at some point I can be the "the first domino" towards making an important change.