I'm still scared, but I also feel I have some tools and some language to help me - some scripts for difficult conversations, in a manner of speaking. I also have a way of being at peace with my inevitable missteps and outright failures. Holding lightly a harsh response in order to do the necessary self-examination will always be a challenge, but it may be the only way I can continue to grow in this. Everyone has to feel the feelings and sometimes they may say things that trouble my heart or feel harsh. As a member of the clergy, I'm used to people projecting their own stuff on me. This, though, is different, and requires me to be present to those feelings, however they are presented. Being still and listening, perhaps saying "thank you for telling me that," seems a little counterintuitive but absolutely necessary. The weight of pain and oppression on another person's soul is real. If I am the white person standing before them and do something unhelpful and awkward, they may respond in a way that makes me sad or uncomfortable. Figuring out a way of standing in that painful moment seems really important because I need the feedback loop to do better the next time.
