While I have considered myself non-racist for my entire young adult and adult life, it has been in the past month that I have realized that it isn't enough. That in order to be non-racist, I have to be actively striving for and practicing anti-racism. The guilt and shame I have felt (and still feel at times) has been crippling. How could I have ever stayed silent? How could I ever have kept my mouth shut for the sake of my white family and friends comfort? How could I ever have put the work down and walked away when I felt like it? How did I not realize that that in itself is a HUGE privilege that BIPOC don't have. They don't get to walk away from the conversation, from the work, from the color of their skin. How dare I? It brings tears to my eyes and a hollowness to my soul. But I also know that BIPOC don't need my white tears- they are drowning in their own. They don't need my white guilt and emotional turmoil- they are asking for my strategic action and sustainable allyship. So what I am learning about my own white guilt and white privilege is that I need to learn and internalize as many coping skills as I can (tolerance building, affect regulation, self-care and reflection, boundary setting, etc) so I can always show up for the Black Liberation Movement and be ready to listen and act.