I suspect than many White people, if they are honest with themselves and if they thought about it as I did, would place themselves on the "How Much of An Ally Are You" scale as it relates to Anti-Racism somewhere between Level 2 on the scale, "Aware," and Level 3 on the scale, "Active." Many white people like myself have at least risen above Level 1 on the scale, "Apathetic," if we ever were apathetic. The only time I felt that way was when at university my English Department counselor asked if I'd like to take a Black Literature course the next semester and my response was "I'm really not interested in that." But that was 45 years ago, and since then, I have read countless books--novels and non-fiction--about the Black experience; and as a movie buff have watched nearly all of the well-reviewed Black films (including the highly entertaining but problematical "White Savior" subset of Black films).
At the other end of the scale, many White people can admit, like I can, that they are not yet at the "Advocate" level that involves taking the knowledge we have learned through anti-racism training like this series, and the superb training offered by the People's Institute, and rigorously applying to every single real-life situation we encounter. The best we can claim is that, especially in light of recent incidents of horrendous racial injustice, many White Americans have become would-be Advocates: committed, routinely and proactively championing inclusion.
So that leaves many of us a choice of where we are now between Level 2, "Aware" and Level 3, "Active." And that is where the push-pull, schizophrenic response to being witnesses to racism sets in. We are mostly aware: we know basic concepts and we are active on behalf of ourselves or others--most of the time. But not always. We are for the most part active: well-informed, sharing and seeking diversity when asked/prompted. But not in every instance. We are both aware and active, but not all the time. We are simply put too damned inconsistent to be able to say that we are always aware and always active, which is precisely what is needed to leap frog to the highest level of "allyship": Level 4, "Advocate."
This is not to say that those who have arrived at Level 4, "Advocate" never make mistakes. They do. But, mistakes and all, true Advocates take on racism consistently, each and every time they are faced with it. And that is the hurdle that we White people who straddle between being Aware and Active sometimes rather than all of the time, must own up to, challenge and overcome before we can be considered as true Advocates for anti-racism.
Don't be a hybrid Aware/Active ally. Schizophrenia is not a good thing to indulge. Make all haste to change--I am talking to myself, too--into the kind of ally who is consistent, so that you may become a true Advocate for anti-racism in the world.