It's so hard to say where I'm at on the "Ally Continuum," because I feel like it changes depending on the day. Some days I feel barely aware of all of the issues I need to be aware of, other days I'm actively seeking out information for myself and promoting anti-racist ideas to others as well. And I also don't ever want to say that I've reached "Advocate" status, because I don't ever want to feel like I have "arrived" at being an ally.
Also, as someone who is always scared of what other people think of me- is anyone else terrified to mess up? I'm so scared of doing something racist or even doing something that looks like I'm racist. I know that this is something I need to get past, but it's so scary to know that I will mess up at some point.
I feel this way too. Within the last year I "messed up" at work with a female black colleague. I won't go into the details but I will say I intended no harm yet damage was done, hurt was caused by me, and I was confronted - rightfully so. I found myself taking a defensive position because I was standing in the "aware" space and not doing the work on my white exceptionalism. It has taken some time to reflect and internalize how I could have handled that differently and how I can do better moving forward.
Fellow ally, you will mess up. This is messy work. Fail forward. Learn and grow. You're doing it now. It's why we are both here. Stay strong.
I loved this comment, Michele, especially your encouragement to "fail forward". Thank you for the reminder that our mere participation in this training is evidence that we are attempting to learn and grow.
I too, feel that I am somewhere between aware and active on the Ally Continuum. I don't always speak up.
I am becoming increasingly aware of the importance of advocating for others who are the victims of racism. If we don't say anything, our silence will speak volumes and render us complicit in perpetuating prejudice.
Yes "Fail forward!" This is an excellent perspective on allyship!
Messed up recently with colleagues. All the good intention in the world doesn't prevent it from happening. Part of the reason I'm doing this training is that I recognize I'm a work in progress but I want to do better, and the more information and understanding I can glean, the more I can move from Active to Advocate. Still nervous, but still trying to move forward.
When I think about where I am with allyship, I would like to think I am an advocate, but realistically I am active. I think my fear of not confronting someone in the right way is creating a barrier for me. I think participating in this training is helpful to show I am not alone and that there are things I can do to better that allyship. and move towards true advocacy. I take it very seriously and know I will mess up, but I think knowing than and not allow it to paralyze me is a step in the right direction. Its important to also know its not about me and as uncomfortable as this may make me, its nothing compared to those of different races.
Adam, I appreciated both the vulnerability and eloquence of your post. 😊
I was impacted by Jay Smooth's TED Talk on becoming more comfortable talking about race. It was both liberating and empowering to hear him say that "being mindful of our imperfections allows us to be good" to ourselves and to each other.
When talking about race, it will likely be uncomfortable and possibly messy. The intent of the heart ❤️ is what is most important. Letting go of the need to be perfect "takes the focus off ourselves" and puts it back where it rightfully belongs -- on those who are victims of prejudice and racism.
In the words of Luvvie Ajayi, our goal should be "committing ourselves to speak truths in order to build bridges". 🌉
Throughout this whole training, I have been struggling with the "anti" part and now as I read posts that really get me on a happy side of being able to do my part in breaking down the "Babylon". I see that there are rolls that involve humanity that I have tried to take down from the very beginning of my existence. And before that. Humans are so very small in the speck of a particle of the multiverse. We already know so much about ourselves. Through science and religion and every zealot in between, we lose our perspective of what is important. Human kindness. For once, I have listened to my neighbors and friends talk to me about their perspectives being "a person of color" and how they are shocked and confused at what they thought wasn't going to be a thing for them here in the USA. I heard someone tell me the exact things (shocking me) that I later learned the meaning of here in this Anti Racism Course.
That to simply hear her, say I'm sorry and then just give her space to be in my circle of influence in whichever way she chooses to show up is the right way to be. I will do the same when I attempt to blend into her circles, if ever I am given the chance. I will listen. Like to Jaelyn Coats and Jay Smooth. Seeking out the conversation on Anti-Racism every day with another consenting adult.
The thing that really kills me about Racism is that it is so economically tied to the wealthy few. I had to stop following money because following that would be akin to all of the seven deadly sins combined. So many sacrifices. And for what? Money doesn't buy love or even happiness.
I am so grateful to think that now matter how much or how little "a person of color" is or isn't in my circle, "Diversity" Equity and Inclusion will always be my slant now as I attempt to bump against them.
To try Allyship. Of course the first way to do that is to vote with my dollar and give funding to those in need. Tithing to the places that we know can do the most good for our community of diverse people of all color, creed, age and gender. But especially the blacks. Because we enslaved them. If I could go back and undo all of those awful ship rides and horrid conditions of being treated no better than farm animals., I would so do! The whole planet would be better because of it. Indigenous people should be allowed their homelands to return to. They should be given back their land. And corporations that are richer than many countries combined can help them plant trees on their land.
Thank You for the bridges you have built. May the oceans of emotion bring us to a level of forgiveness and understanding
I would like to think I am between Active and Advocate, but I suspect I am actually more often between Aware and Active. I want to continue to strive to do better. However, I live in a predominantly white suburb in a very white town. This makes it harder to find the places where I can voice my concerns for inclusion. I guess I will have to try harder to find the systemic issues that prevent the town being more inclusive and find ways to advocate around those. There are times when it feels like I could expend all my energy on this one area, yet I need to conserve my energy to apply to a variety of things. I sometimes wonder if my pebble will make a big enough ripple.