I don't feel comfortable diving too deeply into this discussion here. Initially growing up as a multiracial person was stressful. I heard, 'you're not white enough' or 'you're not Mexican enough'. It took some time to begin to feel comfortable with myself and speak up against people who put me down. I will say I feel much more connected to my Mexican culture. It just feels like home to me.
I can understand why this is hard to process. In so many places in the world, there is a belief that American equals white. When we look at demographics, that simply isn't true. However, as I go through this course, I can understand why people around globe would think that due to our white supremacist systems.
Also, I can understand why you doubt yourself and feel torn between two cultures. The way you feel makes me think about our daughter who is also bi-racial. I worry about her cultural confusion. She's never truly lived in America but when we go back to the States to visit, the discussion around race is prickly and challenging because my family accepts my husband---he's the exception to people of color. And I think because they are so kind and loving to him, my siblings don't think of themselves as racists. Oh but they ARE! They are assimilationist and they spew the rhetoric of Fox News. It's deeply disconcerting and it's getting harder and harder to maintain a relationship with them.
I'm not sure if this course will really bring comfort, but it may bring understanding to the complex feelings that we have about race and help us to move forward in creating an anti-racist world.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts Judy.