As a White woman, I was born into a neighborhood where my best friends were not white. I lived on that same block for 18 years. I grew up in the whitest city in America, Portland, but my neighborhood and the schools that I attended were not that, so I feel lucky that my education on race was growing up in a diverse community. I grew up believing that my family was different, because I was the only single parent family on my block. I did not have a father around growing up, so my view on the white male was not positive. I grew up average and not exceptional. All of my friends were smarter than me, white, black, arab, asian. I believe that the world of White Supremacy confused me and was very loud and that got in my way of learning. I do believe that now as a speech-language pathologist. I was asked as a grew to not pay attention to the abuse of white supremacy. I knew it was there and I knew that not everyone was treated equally. At some point White America and communities asked me to not talk about race and because of my complex of wanting to fit in where I was at whatever stage in my life, I learned to only talk about it with people who felt "comfortable" to talk about it and how wrong this entire country is. I have had a difficult time "partying" or "having fun" for just the pure joy of it, because of systemic racism. What has pissed me off for so long is how many can just accept it and be "comfortable". I have never been comfortable. I am not wealthy. I have always been ashamed of my whiteness, because I have been complicit in the white default. I carry the hundreds of years of white people doing bad things through service. I am hopeful that more white people are doing the work necessary to make things right. Because it has been wrong for so so so long. I am a kinetic and empathic person. I feel the pain and tears of this country and it is so loud and heavy. I don't know how one can't feel it. This is why there are so many mental health issues. We know it is wrong and it endures.
