Truthfully I am straight up exhausted which I can imagine is what any non-white person feels like every day. Some of this exhaustion I can slightly relate...I am women living in a word primarily influenced and created by white men and I am also a survivor living with PTSD so I function on higher levels of stress then most but as I continue with this training it's so much more then I expected and this week I intend to break some things down with my therapist, that is for sure!
My thoughts about the concept of white culture, identity, and entitlement as they were discussed is a whole lot of frustration. The one thing I don't like about being white is our absence of culture, meaning a connection to something important that gives me meaning (which is why I identify with being an Italian because it gives me that sense of belonging). However, I do look white and I know that when I was younger I would use that to my advantage. Life was a struggle as a kid being brought up in a violent household but there was some part of me that knew I would get away with some of my poor behavior and knew that when I was ready to finally tell someone what was going on they would help me, no questions asked. Actually now that I think about it, I got into a fight on the bus on my way to middle school, this wasn't the first time I was a very aggressive and angry kid. That day I was actually pulled into the principles office and was given a talking to. No one called my parents , the police were never involved but my black counterparts where never given that luxury. If black students got into a fight the bus was pulled over, the cops were called. They were taken to school in a cop car, parents were called, no matter what the home life situation was. They never met with the school counselor, no one was going to bat for them. Even now as an adult I have greater access to services, healthcare, I don't have to worry if I'll be pulled over, or come home alive. Being what's "normal" has protected me, for the most part, from the more disgusting parts of America. In school we learn white history-the victors history and we grow up knowing no better until we actively look for the truth and are willing to confront the ugliness of our past.
And after reading "daily effects of white privilege" I am determined to make my own list and consciously try, to pay attention to my privilege every day and maybe some day use it for the benefit of those who do not share the same privilege as me.