Many years ago, I was told by my feminist supervisor that we should never comment on how the girls in the program look, never use pet names for them, and use non-physical-based compliments at all times. She said that commenting on a girl's appearance or belittling them with pet names would go against the mission of our group, which was to empower the young women.
I was especially careful with black girls. I did love their hair! I did think they were stunning and some could even be models! But I worried about the impact my white voice would have on their self-esteem, especially in a culture that sexualizes black children. I never voiced my appreciation for their hair or physical self-expression.
Watching the videos and seeing people of color, especially black and brown women of color, look back on their young lives and talking about how they never felt special or beautiful, I realize that maybe they needed the opposite of what I have been giving them. They need more appreciation and attention and love!
