Using the addiction metaphor has been helpful for me. It helps remind me that I can never stop working. And I have been taking inventory again recently, and after 18 years of working toward anti-racism professionally, I realized that I have been lazy personally. I don't sacrifice and risk when I am off the clock. I tried but my brothers teased and my sisters laughed. I'm now referred to as the "3rd sister" who is "super sensitive" about "political correctness" issues. And because it hurt my feelings, I slipped back into silence. I preserved their ignore-ance and comfortable numbness. Even as I write this, I fear sharing this with them. I tell myself that I am doing enough by modeling in my classrooms and empowering young people. But am I though?
I'm examining my own 'thin-skin.' It's uncomfortable. Reminds me of this current post on FB: before you talk to your children about Black Lives Matter, answer the question 'Mommy why don't you have any Black friends?'. I'm thinking that it means living differently, and while I know we need to have convos with family, that may or may not be all the change we can see in the world.
This is such a real experience. I have also been labeled "overly sensitive" and my husband has said he worries I will cause drama at events if someone says something that offends me. I for a long time have sat back and stewed when his and my family members and friends have said racists, homophobic, trans-phobic, etc. comments. I found myself feeling so frustrated and disgusted by my silence because I have thought of myself as an ally and my actions did not reflect it.
I have decided to make it clear to my husband I no longer want to sit back and be silent. If I lose relationships I am going to be okay with it. I also think it is important for me to have hard conversations with my husband. He has come so far since we first met and I have to realize the environment he was raised in was severely different than mine and his journey will not be the same pace.