I can read and learn terminology, history, facts about racism and injustice. I have a higher tolerance than most white folx I know, but watching the "New Jim Crow Museum" video and seeing the gross, racist, intentional de-humanization and/or murder of black folx and then realizing that THIS IS STILL GOING ON in a newer INSTITUTIONALIZED form feels like a gut punch.
I knew that this would happen and can understand why I have avoided feeling this sickening in the stomach. And, I feel like this feeling is my gut brain getting engaged and is helping me to embody my anti-racism activism. Being white, I am taught to live in my head. It has kept me numb which allows me to dissociate from the pain that has my black brothers and sisters crying out. Now I'm feeling it.... Ooof.